Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Things Which Are Not Cool, and, In Fact, Make You Look Like a Jackass Loser

Being the kind of fashion-forward person that I am, I thought I would do my substantial readership a service and list several things that are decidedly uncool--in fact, they are so profoundly uncool that you risk being forever lumped with the type of people who consider Olive Garden to be the height of Italian cooking if you affiliate yourself with them. Without further ado:

1. What Would ________ Do? First, there was the What Would Jesus Do? bracelets, rings, books, stickers, etc. Stupid, and annoying. But in recent years, there has been an absurd overuse of the phrase, often attached to the celeb du jour. But, seriously, this is no longer clever, ironic, funny, interesting, or even noteworthy. So take that "What Would the Unabomber Do?" mug off your desk right now, please.

2. Livestrong bracelets: Officially no longer cool. Officially the kind of thing your dad would wear. Imitation bracelets are also not cool. The whole trend needs to go away.

3. "Got _______?" The "got milk?" campaign was fresh and interesting for a month...at the most. But that was about, what, 10 years ago? Seriously, people, adding your product/college/etc. name to the word "Got" and then making it into a question is the very opposite of fresh. Nothing tells me I'm in the presence of a person or institution with no imagination than finding out they've used the phrase "Got ______?" recently. Remember that Calvin Klein "CK" campaign of about 10 years ago, where all of a sudden every t-shirt had "CK" on it, and then every company/city tried to do the same thing with their name? That got old, fast, and that's where the Got _____? thing is right now.