Friday, November 14, 2008

Update: this blog is only MOSTLY dead

No, the blog hasn't died. No, I haven't either. It's a strange thing: I started the blog when the political season was only in its infancy, and Barack Obama was still a crusading young Senator from Illinois and Sarah Palin was still an ignorant rube from Alaska with delusions of grandeur and brain matter that could not fill an ice cube. Ok, so some things haven't changed. That being said, you'd think that if anything would have prompted a frenzy of writing on this blog, it would have been the election. But, actually, no! That did not happen at all. I actually STOPPED writing, mostly because I was reading so many blogs that anything I wrote would have seemed redundant.

So, anyway, I'm hoping that as the political world assumes a more normal stance (that is, a bunch of guys sitting around not getting much done), I'll have more to write about. Until then, cheers. Feel free to email me and shout at me for being really really lazy.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

John McCain is guaranteed to vote against ANY bailout bill.

John McCain is a classic Washington insider. The public identifies him as an insider, and he is stuck with that label. For all his "Maverick' image, the man has been a Senator for 25 years, and he wears his Senate title like a jacket. So, in a hail Mary gambit, he is trying to scuttle the negotiations over the bailout package so that he can (a) take credit for "saving taxpayer money," or (b) wind up with a better bill that he can vote against. Did you get that? The better the bill, the MORE LIKELY McCain is to oppose it. Why? Because being one of a small handful of senators to oppose the bill is far better than being one of 40. The fewer people on his team, the more "independent" he thinks he looks. Trust me on this one, Dems. You can labor all day and night to come up with a bill that includes things that both you and the GOP likes (a scenario that is increasingly unlikely), but McCain is guaranteed to vote against it, and then to proclaim in all commercials from now until election day that he voted against it because his maverick nature couldn't allow him to vote against the taxpayers.

This is certain to happen. Literally everything the man does at this point is designed to get him elected. He is absolutely not the slightest bit concerned with fixing the economy. He could not care less. McCain has got it in his head that ANY bailout package must be opposed, so he is going to do what he can to gum up the works, produce more negotiations that he can claim to be influencing, and then ultimately vote against the bailout package. Just watch.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Interesting: Palin events being cancelled all over the country

Allegedly, Bible Spice is the most popular Republican around, just edging out the ghost of Ronald Reagan for that title. If that's the case, why is the McCain campaign canceling a ton of her events all around the country? And this isn't one trip, this is a whole bunch of them, some in super-important states like Florida and Colorado.

Two cancellations in Florida.

Two in California.

Two in Washington state.

At least one in Colorado.

And one in Wyoming.
Interesting, no?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Oh Christ, Palin spews yet more incoherent crap about something to do with Wall Street

Here's an insightful answer she provided to notorious hardball interviewer Sean Hannity today. I think we're starting to see why the McCain campaign has kept her under wraps--because she is just not very smart, and because she really has no ideas. Yay, America!

I think that’s significant, but even more significant is the role that the lobbyists play in an issue like this also. And in that cronyism — it’s symptomatic of the grade of problem that we see right now in Washington and that is just that acceptance of the status quo, the politics as usual, the cronyism that has been allowed to be accepted and then it leads us to a position like we are today with so much collapse on Wall Street.
Whaaaaa? It's like someone took a word generator and had it just crank out a few phrases, and then patched them together with an "and" and an "in." It makes no sense at all.

Behold! Palin's first actual answer to a question from the press!

Obviously she is a master speaker and orator in the model of Virgil, William Jennings Bryan, and George W. Bush.

“Disappointed that taxpayers are called upon to bailout another one. Certainly AIG though with the construction bonds that they’re holding and with the insurance that they are holding very, very impactful to Americans so you know the shot that has been called by the Feds it's understandable but very, very disappointing that taxpayers are called upon for another one.”

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

KGW turns website over to moronic readership, hilarity ensues

Two of Portland's local "news" (aka car crash and house fire) websites, KATU (ABC affiliate) and KGW (NBC affiliate) have recently started to allow readers to comment on various news pieces. The informational value of this exercise is nil, unless of course you are interested in a snapshot at the news-viewing demographic, in which case it is simply frightening. To call the readership "conservative" is an understatement. Mostly they seem to be a group of angry, resentful people, content to sit at home and type angry screeds on their computer. Witness, for example, the following bit of hilarity, in which one exciteable reader advocates beating prostitutes WITH A CROWBAR.

Needless to say, this was brought to the attention of KGW some time ago, and it's still up on the site as this is typed. (And, predictably, has received two positive recommendations.) Just keep this in mind the next time you wonder why your local news has a curious rightward slant.

"You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news."--Garrison Keillor

Monday, September 15, 2008

One of Palin's first acts upon taking office was to install a tanning bed in the governor's mansion, and I am totally not even joking about this.

This is the kind of thing that, if reported about a Democrat, would instantly end the election. They would literally talk about nothing else on FOX for the next 9 years. But Sarah Palin did it, and she eats mooseburgers and chooses life and says funny jokes about how the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull is lipstick, so I guess it's ok.

One of Sarah Palin's first acts upon being elected as governor was to have a tanning bed installed in the governor's mansion. And that is not a joke.

Take it away, official Alaska comment guy!:

The governor did have a tanning bed put in the Governor’s Mansion,” Roger Wetherell, chief communications officer of Alaska’s Department of Transportation and Public Facilities, confirmed to this newspaper. “It was done shortly after she took office [in early 2007] and moved into the mansion.”

Item #389: Things about Brett Favre I believe to be untrue

A website I was visiting today had this ad, and, though I've seen previous versions of it with other notable people (Bill Gates, Al Gore, etc.), the following iteration struck me as especially unlikely.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Oh snizzap! Can you believe what Obama just said about Palin??!?!?!?!?

What incredible arrogance! Look at what he said, and tell me he wasn't talking about Palin!

I am prepared. I need no on-the-job training. I wasn't a mayor for a short period of time. I wasn't a governor for a short period of time.
Except...well, yeah. That was actually something John McCain said last year. D'oh.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"Lipstick on a Pig": are you KIDDING me with this crap?

It is the very height of irony that a man who recently called Vietnamese people "gooks" is up in arms over a commonly used phrased, trying desperately to link it to some sort of smear attack against women.

What else upsets the delicate sensibilities of John McCain?

1. "A rolling stone gathers no moss." This statement is highly offensive to venerated US magazines and British rock bands.

2. "All boats rise with the tide." Clearly this is a statement hostile to hard-working fishermen, not to mention the entire marine industry.

3. " Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." This statement mocks the hard-working Americans who work the graveyard shift. Why does the Obama think that only fancy 9-5 workers are entitled to wealth?

4. "The early bird catches the worm." The sheer hatred in this phrase for farmers is palpable.

5. "Throw the baby out with the bath water." I guess my only question is why the Obama campaign wants to legalize child abuse??

Monday, September 8, 2008

In a move that surprises absolutely nobody, ABC News' Charles Gibson whores himself out to the McCain/Palin campaign

Much was made over the first part of the weekend of Sarah Palin's refusal to conduct an interview with, uh, anyone following her nomination for the vice presidency. Perhaps feeling the criticism, the GOP put out word that Palin would not consent to any interviews

"until the point in time when she'll be treated with respect and deference."
Got that? Deference Not "respect." Not "courtesy." Deference. One almost literally shudders to think of the outcry were Barack Obama to demand that he be treated with "deference" during interviews. The condemnation--and scorn--would be universal. Yet the Republican Party can make that demand, and have it granted.

The lucky recipient of the interview is Charles "Charlie" Gibson of ABC News, who has apparently promised to conduct an interview filled with so many softballs that Jenny Finch would be impressed. Gone will be any pretense of a real "interview"--in its place will be one of those horrible "profile" pieces that will present Gibson as the awestruck outsider interviewing a real, down-home, aw shucks (but Alaskan!) governer, name of Palin. Sarah Palin. There will be no difficult questions, excepting those presented in the form of "how did it make you feel when critics said that __________?"

Here's a short list of moments I absolutely GUARANTEE you will be found in the interview.

1. Gibson and Palin will walk down a street (bonus points if it's kind of Wild West looking, with boards instead of concrete sidewalks), and Gibson will be amazed at how many people Palin knows by name. Double bonus points if they just happen to run into an old teacher, teammate or schoolmate of Palin's.

2. Palin will serve Gibson something "exotic," l like a mooseburger, and he will act as though she's just offered him something imported from Mars.

3. Gibson will conduct an interview with someone who will be called an "opponent" of Palin, yet they will have only nice things to say. Nobody with substantive criticism will be found or interviewed.

4. After all the "families are private!" talk from the GOP, Gibson will have a few moments with Palin's daughter and her daughter's babydaddy, who will take pains to talk about the awesome support they've gotten from the family.

5. Gibson will ride in a (choose one) helicopter or bush plane with Palin over some sort of natural area filled with deer or elk. She will talk about her love of the environment, and he will ask a softball question about oil drilling.

6. As mentioned above, difficult questions will be presented in the form of "how did it make you feel when your critics accused you of _______?"

All in all, Gibson will come across as a starry eyed outsider, mystified by this crazy "Alaska" place, and will come away raving about Palin. It's a slam dunk. He has no shame--he's turned himself into the journalistic equivalent of a hooker, content to let the customer have their way with him so long as he's taken for a ride in a helicopter and given a mooseburger to eat.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

How the Palin family defines "privacy"

Not wanting to bring unwanted attention to their teenage daughter at a very private and difficult moment in her life, the Palin campaign flies the father of her unborn child to the site of the Republican national convention, where he is met on the tarmac by presidential candidate John McCain.


Monday, September 1, 2008

Palin Resignation Watch: Day 2

When I wrote my (mostly sarcastic) post last night on the ways Sarah Palin could leave the GOP ticket, I never thought the next 18 hours would bring such a crapstorm of controversy. Today we've learned that she's "lawyered up" regarding her role in the "Trooper-gate" scandal in Alaska, that she used to actually RUN Ted Stevens' 527 group, and then the most scandalous news at all, that her 17 year daughter is 5 months pregnant. Now, yes, of course, 17 year olds get pregnant all the time, but the timing of this news could not be worse.

Well, it could not be worse if you want to keep Sarah Palin on the GOP ticket. For those wishing for her to leave the ticket (and I'd use the phrase "withdraw from the ticket" were it not for the fact that the Palin family is apparently unfamiliar with the term "withdraw"), this presents a golden opportunity. She can give a completely self-serving speech in which she laments the "poisonous effect the media has had on my family," complain that the media's misplaced focus will prohibit her from talking about the issues that really matter to Americans, and talk about her need to provide her family with more attention, and, voila, she's off the ticket.

Yesterday I though that the damage wrought by Hurricane Gustav would give her an out, but today I'm back to thinking it's the old "spend more time with my family" routine.

How soon until she leaves the ticket? 1 week? 2 weeks? I could see if happening this Friday were the GOP convention not in full swing. I'd look for her to give an issues-free speech to the convention this week, limp into next week with all this additional baggage, and then drop off the ticket late next week, paving the way for.... well, who?

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Question of the day: how will Sarah Palin gracefully drop off of the ticket?

First off, my sincere apologies to my loyal four or five readers who have been waiting what seems like eons for me to update this here blog thing. Once you take what is intended to be a two-week break from blogging, it's really, REALLY easy for that to turn into a month or more. At any rate, here's to what I hope will be an interesting and productive next several months.

The question of the day is how Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will manage to extricate herself from the national ticket without causing undue harm to herself or to "soulmate" John McCain. There are, of course, two options.

The first is the refuge of about-to-be-indicted-on-some-bizarre-sex-charge Republicans everywhere: "I am resigning to spend more time with my family." Palin is (cough, allegedly, cough) the mother of a 5 month old child, one with special needs, no less, and it is hard for any new parent to imagine how she could possibly find the time or energy to co-run a national campaign under such circumstances. (That's not a judgement, mind you, just that as a parent myself, I can scarcely remember the first thing about what I was doing when my daughter was 5 months old. It was rare that I had the energy to run to the corner store, let alone run a vice-presidential campaign.) So, it's not hard to see her ducking out and claiming that her family needs her more than the national party. That being said, I don't see it: it would be a huge embarrassment to McCain to have his VP candidate drop out for such flimsy and cliched reasons.

Which brings us to our second option: HURRICANE GUSTAV! (Here the observant reader considers writing me an email to inform me that Alaska is unlikely to be hit by Hurricane Gustav.) While her own state will not be affected by this national disaster, it is highly likely that Louisiana and/or Mississippi are about to be leveled once again by a Category 3-5 hurricane. I can imagine Governor Palin, whilst on a heartbreaking photo oppo--I mean, tour of the damage, finding herself overcome by the scope of the human tragedy, and suddenly remembering that MY STATE NEEDS ME! She will duck out of the campaign after making a maudlin and totally self-serving speech about remembering the values that got her elected, and that ordinary Alaskans were voting for when they elected her just two years ago. What would happen, she might ask rhetorically, if a natural disaster (Moose plague? Runaway glacier? Seriously, what happens in Alaska?) were to strike her state while she was traipsing around some corn patch in Nebraska? The consequences are simply too stark to contemplate. With a solemn nod and a wave good bye, McCain will bid her good day and welcome Mitt Romney back to the fold. Or, barring that, someone less feminine, like Kay Bailey Hutchison.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Two very important announcements re. this blog

First of all, I have regretfully informed the Obama campaign that I will be unable to accept any potential offers for the vice presidency. I did so with a heavy heart, and I remain steadfast in my opinion that Senator Obama will make an outstanding president. As for my own chances, yes, there were more candidates with "experience" and "expertise" and even "knowledge" about "the issues that matter," not to mention "political ability," but I was honored to be considered.

Second, I'll be going on vacation for the next two weeks, and thus will have no significant posts until July 28. Feel free to send me emails in which you lament the effect this will have upon our nation's discourse--my email address is right over there, to the right of this post.

Friday, July 11, 2008

McCain pioneers new question-avoidance strategy: the long wistful pause, gazing into the distance

Ooooh, snap! A tricky female reporter got all up in WALNUTS'! face, asking him about a recent statement by his national chairwoman Carly Fiorina that it is unfair for health plans to cover Viagra but not birth control. WALNUTS! got pretty uncomfortable at the mere mention of Viagra, saying "I certainly don't want to talk about that," but the tricky female reporter* persisted, noting that in the past he had in fact voted against requiring health plans to cover birth control. When confronted with actual facts, McCain stood still, gazed into the distance, and got a sort of wistful look on his face, as though he really WANTS to talk about this issue, IF ONLY HE COULD REMEMBER IT. Check it out:

Got that, America? That's some straight talk! "I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."

*have you noticed that there is always a tricky/pushy female reporter in Tom Clancy novels, and that guys like John McCain go crazy for Tom Clancy novels? I'm just saying.

Three unreported benefits of the Bush years

Liberals out there like to act as though everything that has transpired over the past few years is just bad, for some reason. They only want to talk about gloom and doom, yet never focus on some of the positive changes we have seen in society. For example, the following:

1) When you spend $30 for gas, you spend MUCH LESS TIME in line at the gas station, thus increasing your economic productivity!
2) When the stock market drops 2.5% in a single day, it loses far fewer points than it did during the Clinton years!
3) With food prices showing such drastic price increases, more of our nation's children will go to bed hungry, thus decreasing our childhood obesity epidemic!

See? And of course, what are the odds you will see any of these great things mentioned by the LAMEstream drive-by media?