Wednesday, August 29, 2007

God bless the Midwest for giving us hilarious stories about legless simultaneous drunk driving

I spent my halcyon college days in a bucolic community in rural Minnesota, where the smell of the nearby Malt-O-Meal plant was tempered, however slightly, by the gentle aroma of the nearby turkey farm wafting across the prairie. I learned many things during that period of my life, chief among them this: you cannot beat small towns in the Midwest when it comes to bizarre crimes. Impossible. And, if I needed any evidence to back up my claim, today's news gives us this, straight from the town of Marshfield, Wisconsin:

Two drunk men arrested for driving same vehicle

ABBOTSFORD -- Two Dorchester men were arrested for operating the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Abbotsford area.

Harvey J. Miller, 43, who has no legs, was steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver's seat while Edwin H. Marzinske, 55, operated the brake and gas pedals, according to the Colby/Abbotsford Police report.

They were headed northbound on Hiline Avenue in Abbotsford when police pulled them over at 2:40 a.m. Aug. 18.

Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive but argued he wasn't operating the vehicle because he couldn't push the pedals.
Now that is a brilliant legal defense right there. Someone keep an eye on young Mr. Miller--he may go places.