Thursday, October 11, 2007

Florida Cop wins coveted "Pregnant Cornbread Sleazy Lawsuit of the Year" Award!

My wife and I live in a neighborhood in inner Southeast Portland that has a combination of much pedestrian traffic and many narrow streets. The consequence of this is that idiot pedestrians and bicyclists are forever darting in front of my car as I (cautiously, I might add) make my way through the streets. Whenever this happens, I turn to my wife and joke, "You know, if I hit that guy and killed him, I could sue his estate for the emotional distress it would cause me." We have a good chuckle (because, really, I'm not that much of a jerk), and go on. Yet, today, how shocked was I to discover that a good-for-nothing cop in Florida did something nearly as bad. Witness the absurdity:

A police officer who slipped and injured a knee responding to a toddler's near-drowning has sued the family of the 1-year-old boy, who suffered brain damage and can no longer walk, talk or swallow.

Casselberry Sgt. Andrea Eichhorn alleges Joey Cosmillo's family left a puddle of water on the floor, causing her fall during the rescue efforts. She broke her knee and missed two months of work.

The boy fell into the pool outside the family's home in suburban Orlando in January and now lives in a nursing home and eats and breathes through tubes.
What? For real? Holy hell, what a jackass. First of all, YOU ARE A COP. Don't you expect that bad stuff is going to occasionally go down? Second, beyond the legal issues at play, the kid is confined to a nursing home and breathes through a tube. A TUBE! Where is the sense of decency? Third, you missed two months of work. That's it! Two months! Suck it up and deal! I know, I know, I have a reputation for providing astute, well-thought-out, insightful analysis, but this is one of those occasions when I just want to yell "WHAT? YOU SUCK!" at the cop for about a week. Unbelievable.

And if that weren't enough, the cop's lawyer (appropriately named "Heil") nominates himself for a "Jerk Lawyer of the Year" Award with this gem:
"It's a situation where the Cosmillos have caused these problems, brought them on themselves, then tried to play the victim," Heil said.
What? They are victims! Their son is in a nursing home, BREATHING THROUGH A TUBE! Gah! You suck, lawyer!